i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
Just told the nurse I wouldn't get on the scale. Told her to write FAT.
i rewarded my self with tacobell for not throwing up on any one. MISTAKE
Dignity is for republicans.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
you crashed our wine night double date and sat on the floor eating cheese talking about how big his dick is.
Dylan just paid 30 bucks to have himself wrapped in the clear plastic they wrap luggage in at the airport. Bring scissors.
So he's compensating for a really small penis. Either that or he's a drug lord.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
It's like the cookie assaulted me with being high.
I'm eating a block of cheese like its a sandwich in the tsa line
Threw up on break at work. That brings our collective tally to 9 times. We can never drink like that on a monday again
he asked me for a magic BJ...is that supposed to be different from a normal BJ?
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