Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
Literally just spent 45 minutes converting my paintball gun to shoot condoms....
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
It would be like bopping for an apple with my penis but never winning an actual prize. The only thing I would get from it would be the joy from taking part but then regretting it forever more
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Why can't public transit accommodate my lifestyle of drinking til midnight on a Monday?
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
Yes I did. Thanks. I was actually an hour and half early. I'm better at public transport than I thought. Guy behind me on the bus is also crying. We compared cry-snot. It was nice in a weird sad way.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
We met up and made out in front of an empanada spot, if that's not romance then idk what is.
You know it was a good night when you wake up w/o a shirt in someone elses living room next to a pancake on a spoon in a bowl of spaghetti.
Randomize
