I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
she just gave her compliments to the chief, at dennys
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
That poor kid, I literally invited myself over and took advantage of him.
yea I'm sure he was really upset some drunk girl showed up to fuck him.
Do you have to put it that way?
Hypothetical question: If a guy wanted to watch you fuck me, would you be willing to take a long lunch break on Wednesday?
Just ate a whole pizza by myself. Wearing my indian headdress again. its really cool with the french braids. I look like fucking pocahontas or some shit.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
He told me the escort brought him pizza. Can something be sad and awesome at the same time ?
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
Personally, if my roommate had a nice friend who made me dinner, gave me free beer, a 4am meal, a couch to sleep on in an apartment on the beach, and breakfast when I woke up, and I found out that said roommate was fucking her, I'd be all... right on! She's cool! Thanks for the quesadillas!
the cashier at the gas station pulled a twig out of my hair and told me I should probably wash it before work....it was kinda sweet.
I accidentally mass texted his dick pic. Not only to my friends, but to my dad as well...
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
Afterwards the first thing I said was, "You know, you're probably the first guy who has ever gotten laid wearing Star Wars pajama bottoms."
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
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