You're my favorite asian/girl I've met here.
You're ridiculous
Your hot
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
If we went to a costume party as Batman and Robin I would go as Robin, that's how much you mean to me
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Also, there's definitely not a non-hilarious way to ask to stick something up your butt.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
You claimed that someone else had vomited underneath you/on your hand
you were very insulted that we didn’t believe you that someone else vommed
My parents are coming to visit the 28th. How bad is it that I put a reminder in my phone to "hide sex toys"?
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
