Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
dude, I'm watching paul blart mall cop. I have better things to do than listen to you whine about your recent divorce.
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
If I had a dick as big as yours. The world would be an oyster. An oyster smaller than my big penis
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
Just found weed in my belly button. Happy Saturday!
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I did the walk of shame this morning and his mom hugged me in the driveway
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
Randomize
