so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
I just puked in the walgreens aisle buying gatorade and advil for my hangover... i guess i failed
No more Irish car bombs ever.
he just looked at me and whispered "these are my sea lions. my sea lions." and then went back to licking the mirror
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
He played a tape of his mad rapping skills after the final...his rapper name was Mad Stylz and he rapped about all the pussy he got in the 90's. I love Sociology.
I'm really not interested in hearing from him. Unless there is casual sex involved
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
friends who go to the bar together leave the bar together and im not leaving you behind ohana means family
Yeah that was post sex. I was thinking in my mind, no wonder he didnt ask me to call him daddy since he actually is a dad
Randomize
