why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
Do you understand how much easier life would be if fannypacks were normal
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
Just found my shirt from Saturday, got an automatic contact buzz.
i was just offered a 40 day sex challenge. prepare for the best 40 days of your life.
oh. my. god. yes.
I told him to keep his feelings in his pants because they're annoying and to just fuck me.
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
PLAN B IS EXPENSIVE ON A $50 A WEEK BUDGET.
I dont know it just seems wrong to fuck her on my exes back porch
He screamed like a woman when he came then proceeded to sing "you [we] are the champion" by Queen. I think I'm in love.
So? Find me, fuck me, then you can go to sleep and I'll leave.
Wow. That's the most amazing thing anyone has ever said to me.
Just woke up to Siri reminding me that i need to kill the giant orange spider in my room, because it's sorcery and witchcraft is sacrilegious. Did you give me LSD again!?!??!
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
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