just because you dressed up as a brontosaurus doesn't mean you can poop in my yard and roar at my neighbors
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
I'm dreading the fact that when the dominoes guy comes, he will ask me if i placed an order under the name "high as shit".
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
he rolled over in his sleep, called me a hoe and then grabbed my crotch. some things never change, asleep or not.
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
No one will ever love me with the amount of puke on my hand
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
I am honored my friend, to hold the decision of what enters your body
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
literally just tried sending to someone a video of me jerkin but my phone was connected to Apple TV and it literally just played on the tv in a full room and I'm actually about to shit myself
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
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