It all came flooding back to me: there was a woman with one hand
If I've learned one thing today? Blow jobs get you to state championships.
Alright. Who did it? Who's bangin' the ump?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
recess is on disney at 4 in the morning, insomnia has never been so rewarding
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
just got double teamed by two guys I will be on beach patrol with this summer. six months until the season starts and I'm already 'that girl.'
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
every time someone would wish me happy birthday I would be like "thanks happy birthday to you too"
Plus, I have my cousin, the dominatrix, to help me out if things get out of hand
We were high and the scary movies were scaring us too bad. Were all watching porn instead now
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
I expected my Sunday morning walk of shame dressed as a sexy Dorothy would get some scorn, but nobody seems to even care
That’s because it’s 2020. The slutty costume walk of shame is a refreshing reminder of a time when wearing masks and catching communicable diseases was a right of passage, not everyday for the foreseeable future.
I remember her making the first martini but the rest of the weekend is a blur of vodka, high heels and sex toys.
First time being used by a cougar. Definitely okay with it
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