Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
those are such fre$h shoes
going to ignore the use of the word "fresh" in a sentence that isnt related to produce and/or other food stuffs and especially the part where you replaced an "s" with a dollar sign
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Happiness is watching your asshole boss' police DUI video.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I drunkenly texted ur dad last night telling him he raised great kids hahahahaha
Officially locked in my status as an indifferent millennial by downloading Tinder.
He literally had a Trump sign in his front yard. I just can't now.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
She told us she had powers and that eating tree bark cures the shits.
Heels with jeans turned Casual Friday into Casual Sex With My Boss Friday
I dropped my slice of pineapple on the kitchen floor and was just staring at it about to cry. It was really good pineapple.
Randomize