Tell her she's as useless as a condom.
I'm just looking at Lindsay Lohan's vagina.
Oh yea! I was just doing that too!
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
He sent me a pic and IT CURVED OUT OF THE PICTURE! Curved. Out. Of. The. Picture.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
I dunno what's worse, the fact that I hooked up with a guy that shaves his armpits or that I didn't notice until he brought it up the next day
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
My card got declined when I tried to buy dippin dots at 2 am, the lady gave them to me for free because "I looked like I needed them."
As much as my throat was opened up this weekend, you'd think I wouldn't nearly choke on a damn almond.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
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