I want to come over to your house, give you money for liquor, fuck you, and then kick it untill I have to go home. Was that blatent enough for you?
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
All she gave me for breakfast was raw toast. How can she expect me to eat raw toast?
You mean bread?
I wonder if those guys know that i know that is a halfway house and dont just think it is some cool older guy frat house.
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
I hope so. I just start to question my lifestyle when i pee on coffee tables
Almost screamed "GO FISH MOTHER FUCKER" at the girl I nanny today. Drunken card games shouldn't bleed into my sober life.
Rush week is fine, only the t-shirts are white and if it rains, the frat boys in their lawn chairs will be treated to 800 freshmen girls in their first wet tshirt contest.
Welcome to college.
I think I left my chapstick at your house when I tried using your penis as a catapult and flung it on the floor. Be a dear, and try to see if you can find it.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
low point in my life last night. licked pizza grease off my iphone screen..
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
No biggie, just trying to keep my liver function in the green
Nothing like sitting at your midterm pissed at yourself because you put your graphing calculator batteries in your vibrator and forgot to put them back in before the exam 😑
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