everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
why do all canadians talk like horny gerbils are stuck in their throats?
the 24 hour champagne diet aint going so well
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Just because Aaron is a gender neutral name does not mean I am letting you name your baby after a drug dealer
I did nothing besides stay sober all night, I walked home to find max naked knocking cups off the counter with his cock lol
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I woke up naked and only wearing cowboy boots, wrapped in a curtain that was still attached to the pole
I was doing handstands in the jail cell and crying “IM A HIGH SCHOOL TEACHER AND IT’S CHRISTMAS EEEEEVE”
I think I may have just hit a new slutty low! ..... Just purchased the Costco pack of condoms... $9.99/48 pack = amazing deal! The judgement when I bust out the value pack = priceless!!!
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
We're in an alley with a psychic wizard, shes reading our palms
Randomize
