The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
we tried to steer you away from them but you just kept yelling 'i need dick' and going back. sorry.
He is offering to pay me back by sending me a dick pic.
.......................................
My thoughts exactly.
Seriously man, I'm worried that my dick's going to fall off someday if I keep this up...
You told him that your vagina was the "King Crab" of all vagina's.
I really need to stop drunk texting. My one night stand just agreed to go roller skating.
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
Great. Now I'm always going to be the roommate that boned a guy with a third nipple.
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
Can we just talk about how I wrote out all the stuff I had to do this week and for Thursday it says "drink and cry"? ...I don't remember putting that but it sounds like something I would do
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
we need to open a bar. a bar with... wait for it... A FUCKING BALL PIT.
LOL. Do you guys need a ride home?
No. we're home already. i just thought it was a brilliant fucking idea.
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