hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
so when she was in the shower, I took a pic of my dick with her phone and sent it to her brother saying, this just fucked your sister
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
we're taking a shot everytime we receive a "Happy Thanksgiving!!!!!" mass text. up to 7 since 10am. God help us.
Yeah the sex got weird after I said "who's your daddy?" and she actually moaned her dads name.
your boyfriend is drunk and yelling to the bar that he loves his cats
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
Being home sucks. I haven't drank in like a week. Or smoked cigs. Or done drugs. Or had sex. My body is shutting down.
Omg. It's like you're one of those deprived kids living in a third world country. We need to save you.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
At this point, just throw that mattresses away. Or bronze it and display it as a testament to your shame. either is good.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I've literally exhausted all the videos on pornhub. It took like 4 years, but I've done it. I did that quicker than I finished college
Hey, sorry for threatening to teabag your mom to death last night
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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