ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
It's not kidnapping if it's romantic
you screamed santa and jumped in front of 50 kids to tell him you wanted a bong for christmas.
Srsly this has gone to far. Just broke my nose on the toilet. College bars.
Things I woke up with this morning: half a mcmuffin, orange hair, one shoe and a friendly german man. Tequila was a brilliant idea.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
Couple of things: my nipples are blue and knowing that at some point I'm going to have to poop is incredibly terrifying
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
I'm supposed to be maturing, but no instead I'll be shitting my pants in Delaware for my 30th.
Hahahaha nah you won't shit your pants - but you will fully try mushrooms.
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
Btw, you owe me. One (1) orgasm.
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