i'm pretty sure you said "blowjob marathon" lastnight
i totally said that
happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Is he smart?
Why would i know that. That would deal with the top half of his body. I only deal with the bottom half.
The first song on his sex mix was "highway to the danger zone"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
Randomize