So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
Thanks for gettin' me home, killa. Have no IDEA how I woke up pants-less on the bathroom floor at 4a.m. You're like a big, angry guardian angel.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I didn't have the heart to tell him that the reason my vagina was so "prelubricated" was because I had just had another gentleman caller an hour earlier. So, when he commented about how turned on I appeared, I just went with it.
I can't even properly respond cuz I'm ballsdeep in falafel
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
I'm thankful I didn't get drunk and shit my pants this year. 🦃
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
