She was lying in bed moaning while eating a Snickers and masturbating.
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
We just licked a sour creme and onion chip for salt for a tequila shot. Our vacation has officially begun.
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
She had cheddar bay biscuits in her purse. Biscuits, Id and cash. I'm gonna marry her.
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Fine line between drunken accidental sleepover with your best friend's lab partner and gay sexathon. I did a cartwheel over that line. A CARTWHEEL THAT LANDED IN HIS LAP
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
Can you have a quarter life crisis another time? I'm trying to masterbate.
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
at what point last night did i get this tattoo of an anchor made of dicks?
around eleven
My parents are being so annoying about my colon.
Randomize
