my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
yeah i like to chase my xanax with prozac and then viagra. you're up...and then you're UP
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
talked to my RA about stamps and mailmen again. when do you think she'll realize that i only talk to her when i'm high?
I don't think requesting him as a BBM contact is proper protocol following vomming in his bed.
ive got a scarf tied around my face holding bags of hashbrowns to it, im too boss to care
You are the only one who would stop a bum, tell him to open up, then pour straight vodka in his mouth. You made his year.
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I need to stop acting like a drunk bitch. People are going to get the right idea about me...
I was just seen throwin up on the bookstore building near a trashcan by parents. Naturally I throw a thumbs up and say go college
He said he’s shouting let’s get this bread the first time we have sex...
He’s very straightforward
I'm gonna ask his dad. Weed trumps broken heart any day.
I would give away three of my own ribs to be able to eat myself out.
...ew
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