i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
The guy dancing on me has three visible teeth. WHERE ARE YOU?
So how gross is it that Woopie Goldberg has a vagina? She's like the exact opposite of a boner....
grilled cheese. we just shotgunned grilled cheese.
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
That reminds me of that one time you handcuffed me to a table leg while I was reaching for the vodka.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
Remind me not to get naked underneath a tree I'm allergic to again.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
You can achieve whatever you wish in your imagination with some help from drugs
Dude, I passed out on the side walk, lost my phone and shirt, and walked 12 miles home after I disappeared from the club
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
Randomize
