I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I have located the smell of the stripper and narrowed it down to 3 girls in class
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Everyone is slow dancing to Aerosmith. I am serenading a slice of pizza.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
Wellp yesterday was spent absurdly hungover and today was spent in planned parenthood so I hope that's not an indication of the year to come
You used your chihuahua as a pillow screaming "HE'S A PILLOW AND A PET" and proceeded to puke in the dog bed
I just kept thinking.. Holy shit. We're fucking in my front yard.
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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