i think i just puked on my phone
we live great lives
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
Skinny jeans should not be made in size 14. Then, it's just a lie.
Woman walking into toby keith concert: 8 months pregnant, black eye, shirt on that has a picture of a boot and the words "we'll put a boot up your ass" with an american flag printed over--the sleeves were ripped off and she had a camo cowboy hat. Greatest thing I've ever seen.
So I was watching the View and they were saying oral sex is the new goodnight kiss
So when are we having a sleepover?
Dude a guy just showed up with alcohol and a bag of double cheese burgers. I think I found my future husband.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I woke up to him peeling the skin on my stomach from my sunburn. If he wasn't so good in bed I'd be a little freaked out.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
Found a popcorn kernel in my pubes... Time fir a Brazilian
dude...i punched my best friend in the face, broke up with my girlfriend, and shit my pants.......now i don't know which one to take care of first.
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Flirting with/getting ready to possibly sleep with a married HS classmate and getting added to a bible study group chat within minutes of each other. #Balance
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