Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
That's the last time I fill my pockets with sushi.
I have no idea what happened last night, but you're the only person I remember smashing my face into. Be honored.
I'm sitting by myself in my bra eating a waffle and drinking pineapple rum. gamedaaaayyyyyyy
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
We were apparently using marine hand signals to communicate to one another where to meet up in the house to hook up.
Didn't even know I knew marine hand signals.
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
she fell asleep in a torn bush after playing cards at a nursing home.
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
Randomize