If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
Princeton has an emergency contraception worldwide website. It is in moments like these that I love my university
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
all ten of us were sitting in his room with the lights off and staring at his colorful moving screensaver for two hours. That high.
You know there's only so much I can do with a great personality.
I love our relationship. We just get drunk, show each other our tits, demonstrate sexual positions and make pasta. Then you go to bed and I sit around with your mom and cry about how proud of you we are.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
Maybe if I get to know him I'll stop wanting to fuck his wife so much.
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
I mean it's up to you where you want to sleep but I'm telling you you're going to hear us have sex no matter what room you're in.
Fair enough
when I said eat the rich I didn't mean like that but here we are sucking that capitalist dick
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