so that wasnt chicken after all
so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
if every girl in minneapolis isn't pregnant when i get back to the cities i will cry
When health care reform is passed, I'm throwing a kegger
You are the reason we need health care reform
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
just got off the metro to throw up and got back on like it ain't no thang
really making moves this morning i see
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
i just tried to use a string cheese as a light source
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
There's some random guy here dryhumping my kitchen door. If he is a friend of yours, please come and retrieve him.
I mean, I would have, but I couldn't come up with a logical reason to bring up oral sex during an orientation.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
You know it's bad when I'm eating a cold chicken breast alone in bed 😕
Randomize
