Rule #1. Nothing comes between you and fantasy sports. Not even a hot chick willing to give you a blow job
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
It doesn't matter if I tell the story beginning to end or end to beginning, the story still starts with a random girl blowing me in the bathroom.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
i swear, about 40% of my drunken life is spent having sex with him.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Bad behavior is like a petri dish that grows organically In my heart
So I told him "To answer your question yes I am naked making pizza pops in your kitchen"
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
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