just took batteries out of my vibrator to play wii guitar hero. think i am gonna regret that move later tonight.
So im using the back of a keystone box as notecard for my presentation
Dude. He only had one testicle. It was like his whole package was a Muppet Show character coming at me.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
Even my vagina gasped.
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Been home for 3 days and already spiked coffee with Kahlua. Only 106 till we go back to school
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
I WILL NOURISH YOU WITH SOUP AND PENIS!!!!!! And a sandwich of your choosing.......you like turkey?
Well despite the fact that I'm still not entirely sure this isn't an elaborate/cunning plan to kill me, I'm in.
He's pretty cool once you ignore the fact that he's trying to get into your pants
It's like you know you got fucjed up when you wake up and check fir your own pulse
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
So drinking that old rum that I found in the ceiling of my dorm was prob not my best idea. But good news: my puke was so colorful b/c of all the skittles i ate
Randomize
