maybe if you didn't yell 'buh duh duh da duh da dats all folks' when you came she wouldn't have left last night
everyone who works at gamestop is basically destined to live with their parents for the rest of their lives... so i said no.
i failed horribly. studying for that final was as pointless as Vinnie is to Jersey Shore
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
His mom already thought we were lesbians BODY SHOTS WERE JUST NOT AN OPTION SORRY
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Ps I think male models just broke down outside or maybe gay German sex travelers
He said he discovered the mysteries of the universe inside an orange... I want whatever he was on.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I feel like it's the kind of place that would appriciate my Aladdin vest
It was just another case of she fell in love I fell asleep.
Randomize
