Bro, I met the coolest hottest chick tonight and she has the hottest friends.
Where are you?
Strip Club
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
I've been timing it. He's been showering alone for 33 minutes. 4 minutes ago, he said "truth or dare." haven't heard anything since.
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
I just got a job offer for Australia. Unfortunately I have given the name of Whitney
The parents I babysit for are at this orgy. I need to leave.
I'll like his pictures on Instagram every once and a while so that when he sees my name he is reminded of the best blow job he's ever gotten.
What's rude is him not accepting my blowjob offer. What kind of guy denies that.
If you find me in the bathroom in a fetal position, licking frozen bacon .. I might have Drank a little too much.
Randomize
