she danced around my room naked waving around the gold trojan magnum condoms singing "i have the golden ticket."
little did she know i was taping her the whole time.
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Sure, fine. Daughter just told me she is not a virgin anymore. I am gonna start drinking now
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
Im in the bathtub drunk. Less than an hour before the interview. This will be the best or worst career move ever., support?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Well, if worst comes to worst, I have pictures of his penis that I can put on the internet
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
Randomize