you're like a bully in the Christmas story
Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Can rosie odonnell just not be a lesbian? Shes stressing me out, knowing we bat for the same team.
Ok so I didn't mean for his first impression of me to be lying face down on his roommates bedrooms floor throwing up my jäger but it happened. Atleast my ass looked good in those jeans. Think I still have a shot?
Ooo, yeah! Thanksgiving will be a blast. Can't fuckin wait for the next round of "have you found a nice young man yet?" Followed by a lovely helping of "don't worry, there's someone out there for you."
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
at first i said "no rollerblading if I'm going to be drunk," but we all know how that went
He took me home and by the time I woke up after catching up on sleep I realized I accidentally put on one of his fiances socks. whoops.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
I blacked out after the piñata full of condoms
Randomize
