Man, ugly runs in her family
yeah, big time
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I'm in the line at the airport trying not to vomit on the person in front of me. Happy Tuesday.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Fuck that. I'm not afraid to die. I'll prove you can survive on a bagel bites and rum diet.
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
He broke up with me because "we're at different points in our lives" I think it's because he saw a drag queen with their hand halfway down my pants
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
i woke up with fake boobs glued on my chest and a large black dildo on my hand. then i had to dress myself and walk home. people saw.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
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