So when jo picked me up from the bar I kept apologizing and kept telling her "I'm just a wittle donut"
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
my mom just told me its unladylike to have toothpaste stains on my clothes all the time.. if she only knew.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
This is not a costume party, I'm just wearing fairy wings.
Of course you are.
Living a little to me does not involve choreographed Michael Jackson songs
He offered me handsanitizer after a hand job, you can't tell me he's not perfect!
It feels like I was drinking gasoline last night.
I woke up and my backpack was empty. He used me for sex, and back to school supplies.
He said he wanted to sit next to the fountain so he could "watch the water hit the other water".
I was grinding with girl while I was eating french fries, and she turned around to hook up with me. She ate my fries.
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