why did they invent bidet's? your butt gets clean when your poop falls in the toilet and splashes up anyway...
Im def. not watching the CMAs. If Kanyes not gonna be there whats the point?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
You were being mean. And telling everyone to suck your six inch strap on. People were not pleased
Please be lying.
Im not. Your family was creeped out
So take that alcohol. I still win. I ALWAYS WIN. Plus i didn't have to wear clothes. DOUBLE WIN.
Who wouldn't want a man who can knock a guy out but also loves the bachelor.
It's the best of both worlds
Today is all about not throwing up, where the fuck are my keys and does anyone know what happened to that guy in the panda suit my roommate had sex with last night.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
...and that's why girls with IBS don't paint their nails
Just heard him in the middle stall. Sounded like someone emptied a toolbox into the toilet.
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
Randomize
