What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
i just did the math...im a product of my mothers birthday sex
I want to have a prehistoric party. By that, I mean I want to dress up as a dinosaur and get drunk. That's all I want in life.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
You paid at the door and they gave you a straw for the kiddie pool full of booze.
After a bit there were two girls who got naked and liquor wrestled. I don't think it was planned.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
In my defense, who let the drunk girl run around with a sack of broken glass unsupervise?
Smoked a blunt with my dad then introduced him to cinnabon delights. Today was a good day.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
Do him. As soon as possible and as often as possible. That's what Oprah would say
I'm at the store buying a new phone cause I pissed all over mine last night. Drunk me is expensive as shit.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Randomize
