There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
If she asks the cat was vomiting before I fed it fried calamari
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
well that explains the french fry and ketchup packet rolled into the wasitband of my sweats. thank you drunk me.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I don't give a damn about what he wants to do with his life. Personalities are for pussies.
Going to an AA meeting just so I can fuck him...That's dedication
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
You left a bit of molly on the table and my mom found it. She asked what it was, I said "not drugs"
She believed me because "leaving that much behind on the table would be a waste so obviously it's not drugs."
But I put cranberries and apples in my wine so it's festive drinking not suicidal drinking
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
What happened last night? All I know is that I walked into class this morning and everyone was chanting my name.
He looks like Aladdin, and that's about all he's got going for him.
Randomize
