they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
You realize we can hear you jacking off in your room, right?
I like it rough
Stop introducing me to people as your little sister.
I don't think the lady gaga poster on your wall qualifies you as a brother.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
My mom would probably be ok with my lifestyle as long as she doesn't see that photo of me doing bong rips in a Jesus costume.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
I'm closer to stabbing a fork in my neck than finishing this resume.
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
Mom just walked in with a bag of weed and funyuns. I'll talk to you later.
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
I should not have moved in with him. He's got porn stashed everywhere like a homosexual squirrel.
You love porn!
Not in the sugar bowl when I'm making my Mom coffee I don't.
Randomize
