i just google imaged poop.
May i just say it is extremely difficult to pee in a cape
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you just kept swimming in circles and whenever someone would try and coax you out you would scream "i CANNOT drown, my brother is the supervisor of a water park!!
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
He was sweet. He even warned me that his dick curved, and I quote, "more than a banana."
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
I hope one day I make out with someone in a taco truck :(
I'm glad I inspire you to reach for the stars
Or a taco
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
You said "this is only my eighth drink" with like 6 separate drinks
When's the last time you had sex near some ducks?
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
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