I don't remember. Are we still dating?
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
I had to stop messing around with him for fear of laughing in his face. I swear it was a pinky finger in his pants
No i dont need Magnum Condoms, that would be like putting MC Hammer pants on my dick
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
He started making out with my boobs. I didn't know whether to be proud of my boobs or ashamed of my mouth.
2015 is the year I FINALLY ALMOST had enough dick to satisfy me.
Just threw up mid-poop. I can't drink like I used to.
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
Randomize
