I wish all the girls i wanted to sleep with knew how big my dick was then id have a better chance
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
He drops f bombs like every other word and he just gave me 127 shares of tmobile stock for free. I feel like I should pay him back in blow jobs or something.
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I knew he was a classy dude because when I told him my name was Jen he said "Gin? Like Gin & Juice?"
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
So, is Canada considered an excessive distance to go for a booty call? Asking for a friend...
You have GOT to stop kicking in his kitchen door. Just wait for him to open it next time.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
I walked in the kitchen and heard her saying "We could have been so good together" as she caressed an egg with her cheek.
Randomize
