ohhhh fuckk. chicks a dude.
Vibrating panties would be amazing during this conversation!
I mean I woke up wearing my bathing suit which blows my mind
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I woke up this morning next to a stack of saltines & a txt from u saying "do it." it took me a second to remember wat was going on
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
Well I found out I was essentially dumped and replaced by a hipster and apparently offered a girl $95 to go out with me. In the spirit of the Olympics I will not be spending any time on the medal stand.
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
I would of joined had I not blacked out last night and ran around naked breaking things till 4 am
he looked at me and said 'happiness is a warm blanket' then stole my vodka.
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Got electrocuted a second ago, is it weird that I have a boner?
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