It feels like I shit a light bulb that shattered on the way out.
Talking to this girl is like playing minesweeper on hard. There's red flags everywhere.
Don't blame the cocaine for your eating disorder.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
He gave me a card that said "I'm so glad we found each other... In the pants" and a pat on the head... My walk of Shame wasn't so bad.
She's trying to put on her dog muzzle on her self
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Why is there a chocalet milkshake outside our front door?
Alcohol
Her neighbors? They're nice. Young family. Tried not to get puke on their side of the lawn.
Blow jobs in the hobby lobby parking lot, oh lawd there gonna pray for me when they review those tapes ...
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
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