If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I'm on the bus and the homeless person in the seat to my left is jacking off to a cartoon picture he found. He's now cleaning up with mitten I dropped.
I don't know what's worse, the fact that my parents own a sex swing or the fact that my little cousin was playing on it
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
There is a homeless man handing out free beer on the city bus. He has a cooler and everything. I love this trashy yet generous city.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
She cracked her neck before the blowjob and I knew shit just got real.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
Adding to the list of things I have said out loud at the bar that I shouldn't have: "I am the yoda of sucking dick"
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
walked into my room this morning clutching two empty bottles of sminoff to find my roommate's ultra conservative parents staring at my posters of naked men. fuck parents weekend.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
I came twice AND he sent me home with edibles. I think he’s a keeper.
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