On a scale from 0 to 24...wait, 3 to 24, where 6 is the lowest and 12 is the highest, how freaking high re you right now?
and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
Someone has big plans this weekend. Just went to throw away the trash and saw packaging for 3 different vibrators on the top of the stack
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
He came over and watched the USA game with me, fucked me so good my toe cramped, then made my bed this morning before he left. Thank God for Army rangers
I used your vibrator when you were out of town. Now I know why you always come out of your room smiling.
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
Randomize
