just to let you know, don't open your linen closet for a while until i come over with a cleaning kit and geek squad
So we sucessfully lit our bathtub on fire. Thought you should know.
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
she said she didn't want to sleep with me again because I wasnt a generous lover. I ignored her slight moustache, didnt i? i think thats pretty damn generous
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
promise me that when we are 32, we will look nothing like Kim Zolciak. Promise me right this instant.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
The only person who DOESN'T think it's a horrible idea to sleep with my ex is my therapist. Obviously I trust her judgement above all others.
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
For both our sake, we've decided to ban watching combat sports before sex
My puke in the shower morning just turned into a puke in the restroom at work afternoon. I'm the human embodiment of dumpster fire.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
It was like I was gay for pay but except being gay I became straight and instead of for pay it was for coke.
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