So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
Spider just rapelled from her vag rethinking online dating.
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
The worst that could happen is you end up with a black eye and I get laid.. I'm okay with my end of that bargain.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
Just watched my first Christmas porn of the year. Def have the spirit now
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Randomize
