This fat girl in front of me just got on the bus to go 2 blocks. Do you think she ever wonders why shes fat?
Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
Well, i'm not sure how that works so i wish both you and your vagina luck on your voyage.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
There is a huge naked guy in the kitchen with the boner of a lifetime and what I believe is an assault rifle casually resting on his shoulder.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
