Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
Actions speak louder than words. Her actions scream crazy.
Taking the airport shuttle drunk should not happen this often in my life.
Smoking bowl and applying to community college. I now know how I got here.
you went all the way to UK and still managed to hook up with someone from our highschool...
Someone tried to flush pizza down the toilet. Well, at least tried to
Would it be appropriate to cancel a hookup to watch the golden globes?
absolutely. tina fey and amy poehler trump everything.
WHY AM I CRAWLING IN OLDER MEN HOLY JESUS
I think Jabba the Hut is dying in the stall next to me.
ugh I gave him morning sex and he doesn't even text me back for my bagel order
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
I'm just concerned as to why his penis is two different colors.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
I woke up in a limo in long Island, Ny this morning. Talk about a black out
There is a sex dungeon behind the wine cellar. This is why I hate showing foreclosures.
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