what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Proposition. Sex. No words, no talking about it later. I just want you tonight.
New level of high: If I could bathe in my salsa right now I would.
Her roommate "grounded" her because she drunkenly tried to fill their fish tank with vodka
Itll be like a collage of penis. And not that abstract, one penis in a big painting contemporary shit. Collage....
I just karate chopped a humming bird out of mid air. It came at my face while I was out side smoking. Scared the shit out of me. My ninja skills just took over. Haha. I mean really at that point it was me or him.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
'valentine' just autocorrected to 'cake robe' in my phone
I think that summarizes my life up pretty accurately
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
For real his Facebook page says he studied "sexual arts" at some random college I've never heard of. You've been warned.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
He’s like Batman if Batman went down on me and gave me multiple toe curling orgasms. He left without saying a word before I pulled the pillow off my face
Find out if he’s shared his techniques with a friend and set me up with him. You know I’ve always had a thing for Robin!!!!
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