Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
I just saw a guy in the gym riding the bicycle while watching baseball and dipping.
I had 4 margarita's and 2 mixed drinks and i blew zero's. Its a cinco de mayo miracle.
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
This shit I'm taking feels like I've eaten every burrito in the world and chased that with an aquarium of hot sauce.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I have a gay crossdressing neighbor that's dresses up as a slutty pirate. 6 beers from now I would have hit on him. I hate halloween.
I partied with 2 slutty ninja turtles from Sweden last night, I Love Halloween.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Hi I'm on my way to give you multiple screaming orgasms and Easter candy
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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