I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
this may or may not be the weed talking, but this is by far the best tasting toothpaste i've ever had
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
we fucked while he was on the clock. He didnt even take off his bullet proof vest. Dont tell me thats not bad ass.
nyquil sex gave me 6 orgasms so I support that
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I really need to find a new way to reward you other than head scratches, nutella and blowjobs.
Dude, you bit through my nipple. Give it a week, damn.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I will feel awake by 6 pm
Are we not meeting until 6?
No I'm just saying thats usually when my body knows it's time to party
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
where are my eyebrows?
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