im getting my college education on yahoo answers.
So he saw that playlist i made with his name as the title. i think he's creeped out that I have 106 songs that remind me of him
I gave them both handjobs at the same time. Felt like I was skiing
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
he texted me at 3am asking for "one of my famous blowjobs"
Ummmm you know you're drinking vodka out of a Skittles bag, right?
Getting drunk before noon on a Tuesday. When did this become my life? Did you know that a six-pack of Smirnoff is 2 liters?
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
How do I enter a double puke and rally into my calorie counter?
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
was that the third sophomore you've banged this week?
third one in three days
Randomize
