the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
She just asked me if I was looser "in the vagina" than her. While gyrating.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
So, I had a dream last night that involved you as an actual cloaked Captain America and a lot of weird sex, and I didn't hate it.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
I'll have a whole suitcase of emergency bacon with me obviously
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Randomize
