I found out 2day that my dad was a stripper in New Oleans.
Need sex. Gaining weight.
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
Referring to yourself in third person during sex is apparently an instant turn off
It was perfect I came I passed out in his comfortable bed then a glass of jack Daniels fell from the bed post and spilled all over my face
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
in other news, i feel like i just shat out all my sins.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
We are not having sex in the fucking kindergarten
A friendship for the ages born on how horny we both are
Randomize
