I had a good time, probably would have a bigger headache today if you were in town.
what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
So I don't have any furniture but we just skateboard drunk around the floor.
I only gave you my number because I thought fat people were jolly
fuck he's narrating my life in a british voice make him stop im way too fucking high for this
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
BEST FEELING EVER: Standing in a hot fucking shower, while super baked, while eating a cookie.
You eat cookies in the shower?
you're avoiding the subject, i want to know how you ended up at the strip club with the dog, fucker
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
What does it say about my expectations if I'm pounding three beers the hour before a date?
No one understands the complete and utter debilitating 3 day bday bender.
Oh, that was the alley that I ate a pine cone in.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
Do you think the hole in the ceiling will count against our security deposit?
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