Dude I got a text from you at 1:30 last night and you didn't use any vowels
Haha, I didn't want to buy any... we're in a recession you know
my one-armed grandma is doing the YMCA. you figure it out.
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
i want to major in coloring with an emphasis on crayons.
so finals studying is going well?
Life's too short to consider the larger psychological underpinnings of my lust.
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Anything you tell me within three minutes of an orgasm isn't even being recorded in my head.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
Omg the world wants us to be better people
I refuse
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
I was left to my own devices with nothing to do but drink
Randomize
