I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
WHY are the edges of my bra charred???
Found my wallet. It was under my dresser with a note that said "good job you found me". Drunk me is an ass.
We were just at different life stages. He wanted to get married and have kids, I wanted to take MDMA and fuck my roommate.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
I apparantly wanted to name her baby garbage
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
He said I could stop sending ass pics now and just say hello. I'm not sure if that means he's no longer interested, or that he's a gentleman??
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
You came in yelling "I'm el scorcho" and then axe can flamethrowered my dresser. Awesomeness aside, you owe me a new dresser.
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
Randomize
