I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
This could be one of the worst things i've done... The background of her phone is her and her boyfriend.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
my self respect just called, its having a good time without me
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Every time I think about it I can feel His toe in my mouth and I gag, I'm scarred for life.
Drinking heavily at 3pm and about to rescue a 30lb street turtle. Dont even bother attempting to rise to this level bitch
It's not that he's ugly its just that being blind folded makes everything less awkward
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
I tell you, MacGyver never had to put up with people shitting themselves while he worked...
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
How did you get so drunk?
Alcohol.
Randomize
