My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
Just did shots with my boss to warm up for our sales call to Childrens Hospital. I love startups.
She just messaged me 19 sad faces.
you will always have a special place in my vag
She woke up with blood running down her face and asked the EMS guy where the keg was
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Everyone says I win the strip club
Nothing more ironic than raw dogging some random Asian hottie last night and then doing the walk of shame home from her place mixed in with the participants of the AIDS walk
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize