i found literally half of a double sided dildo in my shower. i guess someone went home happy.
i told him my stretch marks were scars from a jellyfish sting........he totally bought it
felt a little awkward waiting for my McNuggets after vomiting all over the counter
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
I may or may not be taking a bath listening to the Phantom of the Opera. This lovely moment brought to you by xanax.
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
I'd say it's his fault for never running us through proper protocol for "catching your RA in the middle of him banging some girl"
Even blacked out me knows not to sleep with socks on
I think putting on real pants was half my issue with today
You came in, yelled 'i am from the future' then puked all over the floor
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
