I took off my clothes and she wanted to have sex. But then she changed her mind. So we ended up fucking through her panties or something. I don't know it was weird.
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Hey man your outta milk
How the hell do you keep getting in my apartment?!
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
it is entirely possible that the police will be knocking on the door in 25 minutes
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
REALLY should have cleaned under my bed before I had my parents come help me pack...things my parents just found: several condoms and a bottle of lube. My mom when she found a condom: "ooo ribbed. Laura's a lucky girl"
Just cleaned someone else's sperm off of my bedroom wall. Never throwing a house party again.
You may want to re-read your sent texts from last night. You were texting me about your "fire shits" spelled 6 different ways between 3 and 5:30 AM.
Your dick is going to fall off. Be careful or you'll get callouses. A workingman's dick.
I FOUND A VIBRATOR IN MY BABY BROTHERS ROOM. IM FREAKIN OUT MAN ITS BIGGER THEN MINE
put it back and chill out ok
NO FUCK HES 15 WHO EVEN SOLD HIM THAT HES A BABY
Just landed in Atlanta. Still drunk. I can't feel my face
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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