Sadly no. But I was pantsless when they came to get me. Which made me miss you...
Made out with some random "plus sized" young lady. She let me kiss her boobies. It was like I was 6 months old again.
I can't even teach it... It's just natural slutyness.. My mom has it too
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
He gave up on mugging us when Dave wouldn't stop laughing. He was wiggling his finger at the knife and making baby noises and giggling. The guy just walked away.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
I was galloping around pretending to give birth to pbrs. I could have used a mask.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
I'm not having the "why are your fucking my daughter" talk and the "your a drug addict" talk with your mom tonight.
It felt as if we were fucking on a sea of baby feet and morgan freemans face hair
Competitive oral. I'm always telling girls they are only the fourth, maybe third, best blowjob I've had. They go back down with something to prove.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
WHY WOULD YOU SWIPE RIGHT???!!!!!
The same reason I ordered and ate almost an entire pizza last night
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
Randomize
