Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
Just bonged a beer from a vuvuzela...this place is only doing good for me
So. Much. Sex. I feel like i ran a marathon then someone kicked me in the vagina. Soo worth it
Oh eartly, In cocy youtu youchv make the wallflowers d tskunks!y, couch protection now,.sryou should feel special !
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
Sorry I just took 4 pills about 20 minutes ago so I'm feeling like a claw machine like people tell me were I need to go and what to do and I'm just like yes sir so I get the teddy bear but I set it on fire and it's kinda black on one side and there might be smoke coming off it.
Listen I took a family sized bottle of merlot to the face last night and there's an svu marathon on. Give me some time please.
Ok. I'm gonna smoke some weed and look at some elephants without you then.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
What happens if you die with an erection? Does it stay hard? Disclaimer: I'm high.
Randomize
