that was after robitussin, alcohol, and chocolate sauce... but before we finished pregaming
drinking colt 45 because lando calrissian told me to
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
Hey! I was tired. I threw up in two parking lots yesterday.
Fuck my life, there's a fry in my vagina.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
He asked me the next morning if he fell asleep inside of me. Drunk is an understatement.
I've officially dedicated my newly single life to making myself squirt.
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Randomize
