i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
Found moms dildo in drawer while looking for socks, and its wet
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You may have noticed the broken smoke detector and melted carpet. We may have accidentally lit a ping pong ball on fire...I'm sorry, but we did our best.
I think I just got a contact from my own exhale. Def dying.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
Just pretend you're riding a unicorn through space. Thats how I deal with the stirrup situation at the gyno office.
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
you can't just say no to brian. he was bugging me to get me to drunk for 14 hours straight yesterday. HE DOESN'T GIVE UP
I just had to break into my old house and steal my sex tape. Good times. How have you been?
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
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