Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I just wanted to let you know I just licked gravy off of my boobs. Just putting that out there.
She saved the condom from the first time we did it.
There are bruises on the top of my foot. The pole won.
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
No she left bc the of pic I have of my mom in my bathroom. She thought it was my gf
Why the hell do you have a picture of YOUR MOM in your bathroom?!?!
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
you just won the triple crown of sex! your prize is more sex.
I just saw someone dressed as a bear leave your house on a motorcycle. I guess you guys are having a good time.
You drink too much. You cuss too much. You have questionable morals. You're everything I've ever wanted in a friend.
That's the 2nd med student that has had his tongue in my butthole, what gives.
You sat on me. Like I was a toilet. While I was on the toilet. You peed a little.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
Randomize
