Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
The first sip always goes straight to my vagina.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
Sorry no. I've already promised my first single hookup to somebody.
I am currently exfoliating my skin with the toilet. We've never been so close.
They turned motor-boating me into some kind of sick game
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
I just had a flashback to the three of us in the bed and me shouting AM I THE BIGGEST OR LITTLEST SPOON?!
I WANT PIZZA BUT I ALSO WANT SELF ESTEEM
BUT LIKE WHO AM I TO EVER CARE ABOUT SELF ESTEEM
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
There may or may not be an ass shaped dent in the hood of my car. All I know is windshield wipers aren't as sturdy as you think to hold onto.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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