he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
he then proceeded to tear down my curtains, wrap them around his waist, and use the rod as his "rod"... you tell me how drunk he is...
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
His fuck buddy just got fake tits and wants him to 'come break them in.' I need his life.
We are going to get clementines. And shoot them out of a ballon launcher. That's after we come up to the ivy with a bullhorn and reck havoc. Where are you.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Escorted out of jimmy johns because I refused to leave with my dog. Stole a loaf of bread on the way out.
Just to be clear, the only reason you're allowed to scream "COCKTAIL SERVANT" at bartenders is because you have nice tits
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
Oh my god, I totally forgot we call your penis "Godzilla's Tail".
He invited to drink but spelled forties wrong so no thx
I also woke up in a guys bed in a Reptar shirt yesterday morning staring at a movie theater sized poster of the not as popular Air Bud franchise movie Super Buddies.
Ok, maybe playing "whose family is most dysfunctional" wasn't the best drunk idea we've had. Todd''s been crying in the bathroom for an hour. We can't get him out...
He gave me an orgasim so fantastic that I had an asthma attack.
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
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