She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
This dress was meant to end up on your floor
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
Donna and I are betting on whether or not you are going to cheat on your boyfriend tonight....I said you wouldnt do it.
You might as well just give her the money now.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
She's trying to sext her husband for the first time. I'm feeding her lines. It is 3 am and I am playing Cyrano for my wasted big sister TELL ME I AM NOT THE BEST SISTER IN LAW ON THE PLANET.
Yea he was still drunk. He wore a Toga to his job interview.
Randomize
