The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
I have a client coming in and there's a note that says she wants her hair to like Elisabeth Hasselback's from the view
that's Oklahoma for you
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I got kicked out of a mexican restaurant last night for being too drunk. This is getting dangerously close to rock bottom
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
when you greet her, try not to lead with "this night will end with you on top of me". first impressions, bro.
i had a long naked conversation with the cop on why is everything fun illegal
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
It's 4:30 AM and I just walked through a line of 10 deer without them freaking out. I am the campus deer king.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
You make any dick jokes involving sushi and there WILL be consequences.
Sushi is fucking sacred in this house and I will kill you if you try and taint that.
How did you interpret 'wheat thins' from 'vaginal trauma'?
we found her on the beach half naked talking to a palm tree
Which half?
I think I'm more excited for Santa to come now that I made a drinking game out of it
Randomize
