I cant video chat with you tonight, my parents are home
r u implying that im some kind of v-chat prostitution whore?
Is it sad that I'm on the stopduiaz.com website and there is a cute boy but it will never work between us because hes in jail for 17.5 years?
Um.. is it mean if I say yes?
How would my first penpal letter even go? "Hey saw you on stopduiaz.com, sucks you killed that motorcyclist. Whats your favorite thing to do on the weekend?"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
to cover up your slurred speech you tried talking like the creepy old man from family guy
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I should never bitch about not getting laid. He's begging me to come over and I'm saying no because I'm watching a Golden Girls marathon.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
My wife googled 'purchase vibrator.' Not sure if I should be excited or offended.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
I think the hamburger goblin stole my cigarettes. I left my purse behind her table and they're not in it now.
Randomize