you were so high you were expressing yourself in action figures
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just mixed Baileys and yoohoo. I feel like an alchoholic 2nd grader.
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
some fat dude with wolverine facial hair just walked out of your room with a snuggie. explanation needed.
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
My body is a temple...that happens to be able to get me free Patron shots at the bar
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Totally. Bang on. He'll be fine. He might cry into your perfect tits once in a while, but that's the price ya pay.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
My exam ends at 4pm so I plan to be passed out in the bar by 5pm. Want to join me?
i don't know what happened one minute im stumbling home drunk and the next im drinking pabst and smoking with a french guy ive never met named hugo.
Oh yeah, nothing says welcome home like walking in on your parents having sex on your bed while the dog is watching, they told me to wait until they were done...
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