it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
well most of my day revolves around power hour
Also, the zoloft kicked in and I can't get an erection anymore. So I'm depressed.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
My shirt is ruined. If I ever get the idea of doing a tequila shot through my nose ever again, shoot me.
I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.
Like. I probably should fuck him. I owe him for breaking his thumb.
Yes. Yes. Double yes. I'll bring the tits. You bring the frosting.
Wouldn't it be fantastic if the corporate world cared less about about our GPA and focused more on our mastery of social drunkenness?
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
The impromptu 'dance party' was just three white dudes flailing arrhythmically in the kitchen in absolute silence. Stone cold sober.
Okay I'm officially a Texan now, I banged a dude with cowboy boots
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
Randomize
