you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
eww mummy girl is here...
what the fuckk. i just want to hold her down, wax her eyebrows, and give her some morals.
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
I was pretending that it wasn't happening. Until we had to roll down the windows as she was vomiting apologies into a Target bag.
Whatever. He's going to tie me up tonight whether he wants to or not.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
He looked at me like he knew me, and I looked at him like I had seen his penis before.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
YOU CANT FOOL THE TOILET
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
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