You know how I know he's a virgin? He's wearing transition lenses.
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
It doesn't matter if he doesn't speak English because I speak the international language of blowies.
Is it bad that I stopped wanting to fuck her as soon as I noticed she had dry skin?
I sometimes completely doubt that you're straight.
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
It was worse than that time I did shots of BBQ sauce and pierced my own ear with a thumbtack
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
Dude he's moving to fucking Germany now. What is it about your vagina that makes men want to flee the continent?
Putting a bow on your dick doesn't make it a real present
He fucked me for my Netflix login, I fucked him for his HBO login, and actually I think that's beautiful
i think i left you like a 5 minute message about the mcchicken burger i was eating. I think I called wanting sex but the mcchicken burger was a lot more seducing.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
