my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
There's nothing more uncomfortable than drifting into sexual fantasies on a roadtrip and realizing you have a boner with three other dudes in the car.
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
I thought making out with his sister would be a great way of meeting him. But it backfired.
When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Man, just talk to her friend and help me out. Otherwise we go home alone
I'd rather jerk off with a hand full of bumble bees then talk to her
I kinda wanna eat your hands right now.
Put down the everclear and go to bed.
I'd like to thank you fucktards for dumping the WHOLE box of Tricuits in my bed after I passed out.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Has anyone ever blacked out at an art show your dad brought you to?
I just masterbated to the Lets Get Ready To Rumble theme
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
