I think I just was a dick to Paul Rudd.
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
on a scale of 1-10how much freaking out is acceptable if you just found a (possibly used) cock ring in the head board that your parents gave you?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
If I am going to pay someone to make me puke, it's going to be the bartender.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Cover your phone. Photos of streaking frat guys incoming.
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Why do I have a separate credit card just for booze? Because I saved enough points so Saturday we are flying to Denver to smoke legal weed and fly back in the same day.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
I'd rather explain to the cops why I'm naked than why I'm drunk.
Randomize
