I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
The bellhop gave us weed in our keycard envelop. We went down to tip him and he apparently never gets that so he just gave us more weed. Kentucky is strange
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
8===D
That's the bat signal to come over and fuck me.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
I'm debating a nap but also debating breaking into the liquor cabinet
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I just want somebody to fondle my boobs while I read fanfiction. Is that too much to ask?
On a scale of 1-10, how inappropriate is it to sneak into someone's box of sex toys and put googly eyes on their vibrator?
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
Nice people suck dick too. I'm proof.
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize