Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
his profile picture is a blurry one of him holding a beer. i recognized him instantly.
Stoned ambition #8. Must learn sign language.
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
They had to restock the bar 3 times before midnight. There is a bridesmaid dress hanging in a tree outside.
Driving around Panama at 7 am looking for an open liquor store..
I expect to be treated like a lady. Even If your sticking it in my ass.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I thought it was a myth but I have just reached the age of sitting on my balls. Not a fan.
Jesus told me in my dream not to go to the party. I am athiest for tonight PARTY ON
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
Which is worse that I came in public or that no one noticed?
Just almost drowned myself in the shower again. I need an adult.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
For someone who's supposed to be gay Greg is really good at seducing me into things I don't wanna do
Randomize
