were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There are regrets in my world today- mostly jager at that fucking altitude
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I cant feel my face. Like I dont even know if I have one. I wish I had a helmet
Im going to make a sandwich and see if my books came from amazon. I cant believe two years ago i was dating eight guys and teaching russian exchange students how to do shots.
You did that scary laugh you always do when you're blacking out except she's never heard it before and though you were choking and screamed at all of us when we didn't call an ambulance
I can't believe you big bird do not remember battling a shark last night it turned into a Pokemon battle and big bird over powered the shark
And then we made magical love in his room under a blacklight as his roommate and girlfriend argued violently in the living room
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I barely trust you with my tinder, why would I let you take the staples out of my head?!
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Randomize
