dude I went to cubs game with my mustache, aviators, and a hooded sweatshirt. Do you think it was irony or fate that there were four 17 year old girls in front of us?
I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
You know when you meet a penis that looks like it was made out of all your hopes and dreams?
this is definitely the first time I've ever had an orgasm and then had potatoes smeared on me within the same hour
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
I wouldn't call us friends exactly. Honestly I just hang out with him so I can hit on his girlfriend. They won't last long, and I'll be there to pick up the scraps
It looks like you got dick slapped by the sandman..
PLEASE AT LEAST MEOW SO I KNOW YOU AREN'T DEAD
Didn't realize he fucked me in a bed a dog is always in until my face swelled two sizes and I had hives all over my body. This is God's way of punishing me for having amazing sex.
Just woke up and read the text that drunk me sent you, i take it all back, and you can't have my power puff girl pillow either.
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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