Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
so when we got to the frat house he had a travel sized toothpaste and toothbrush for me and gave me a pair of his shorts and a girl's sorority t shirt...something tells me he's done this before
I'm at the bass pro shop. They have a river full of trout and turtles, a shooting range, a full bar, and the patriots cheerleaders are here. I now understand why people are rednecks. I may never leave
i almost burnt down an apartment complex. little busy, get back to you later
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I'm still finding big obvious chunks of condom around my car.
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
It wasn't a great time! You grabbed me, picked me up, and make me pee in the sink!
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Attention, i sprayed windex on me to disguise the scent of sex and regret off my clothes from last night
I hate waking up to a room that reeks of bad decisions...
Randomize
