My girlfriend went down on me and as she did she hummed the theme from star wars and pretended my dick was a lightsaber...I'm buying the engagement ring tomorrow
yea, the bartender wouldn't serve you because you kept asking for "a slice of beer"
my way of studying for our final tomorrow: registering online to retake the class in the fall
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Turns out I tore my ACL when I fell off the mechanical bull.. Happy bday to me
I jus want to remember tomorrow how proud I was tonight for wearing my rainbow leggings as a long sleeved shrug I feel like fucking MacGuyver
I haven’t sent any nudes yet in 2018.
That’s not true...is it?
Such a shame we didn't work out. We would've been a power couple producing NFL linemen :/
She totals her lexus and all she wants is to have crazy wild sex.
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
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