WTF. you left me with no condoms and you ate all my mac and cheese. scumbag.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
I just typed 14 shots of Smirnoff into my calorie count toolbar. Then typed pole dancing 1.5hrs into the calorie burner search. Should break even.
Did we literally take a cab across the street
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
I'm not saying I'm drunk, but I'm definitely saying my liver has its work cut out for it.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
When did angry sex become our thing?
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
MY TITS ARE PERFECTLY CALM.
Drink drank drunk tankkkkn, LETS GO
Once the overwhelming "oh god my crotch is on fire" wears off, that excite stuff is really nice
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
Bro, that'd be the third dick I've taken down in the office.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Randomize
