my ex just saw me in his brothers bed. fuck yes revenge feels good
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
So how does it feel getting boo'd by the entire 5 guys restaurant
Then I hope you find a set of extremely intelligent, flexible triplets in the ethnicity of your choice.
That is the nicest thing anyone has ever wished for me
Sunday is the day of rest.
As in, whatever liquor is left after last night, you have to drink the rest.
I'm drinking nothing but vodka and coffee for the next 48 hours. For science.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Highlight of the weekend: getting roundhouse kicked in the dick while switching from reverse cowgirl.
I just got invited to party with a bunch of elderly lesbians I am in no position to offer life advice
That's fine. It's not illegal to bring ham into a museum.
Also I think I drunkenly signed up to be an uber driver or something because they keep emailing me to fill out a background check
Just witnessed a man yell "gonna catch a slut!" at himself in the mirror while doing bicep curls at the gym.
I was...perplexed.
Randomize
