he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
I hate that he uses me for something other than sex. What does he think I am? His girlfriend? Ha.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
I can't believe he just friend zoned me like that.
Dude, you're not even gay.
Just figured out my hair is long enough to tie my wrists together. . .get over here NOW!
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
I wish I were single again so I could actually have sex.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
i like that he makes me laugh. those are like my two favorite things. laughing and fucking.
He held my hair while I gave him a blow job. Now that's teamwork.
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