The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
its like fishing. just send her some cock shots to keep her on the hook then use tequila to reel her in
i yelled at him for a little and we ended up fucking in a random tennis court.
he's my ex-boyfriend's best friend... he tried to make out with me to prevent me from hitting his friend. then they almost fought about it.
teach me your ways.
They called me at 5 AM saying they had a present for me
Called my dealer in tears and we talked for an hour until I felt better. That's the way it should be.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
When you're looking for your panties tomorrow, you traded them for a blunt on the train.
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
You laid on the floor and pet their rug. and then demanded Voss water.
Randomize
