My Blind Date Arrived. She looks like something I'd draw with my left hand.
It smells like weed.
We are in Boulder, Everything smells like weed.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
I just woke up to find the whole kitchen sick had been converted into a gravity bong.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
I was really excited when he said that condoms didn't fit him, then he added "they fall right off"...
Medically YOU CAN'T BE AN ALCOHOLIC TILL 25!!!!! WE GET 3 BONUS YEARS!!!!
You wore a man's plastic top hat last night.
No I didn't. Whiskey did.
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
We started pregaming at 8. It's 11, and her only 11:11 wish is to be sober. It's hard to not love her.
Can you please explain to me why there are 7 bags of tacos in my bed?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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