so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
speaking of graduation plans, i'm blacked out eating sausage
He fell asleep and I'm awkwardly laying here because all I have to wear is my tutu. I'm pretty sure his roommate is going to be back soon so this should be fun. This is my life now. PS. the background of his phone is a picture of his hedgehog.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Sorry about flashing you in front of your mom.
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
I guess "hi, I know your mom, she taught me in high school" is an effective pickup line
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
I'll talk to you in a minute. Gotta put my peacocks away
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