Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm bringing in a picture of a stranger on facebook to get my haircut. I have reached a new level of creepy.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
I punted my pants across my apt at my roommate last night. Everything else is kinda fuzzy.
Also, the greatest of ironies: I got shampoo confiscated by security while Corey managed to get pot through. MERICA!
That's not a current picture, because if you look deep enough into my eyes you can still see morals. Not these days.
Yeah, I fucked him. and the worst part is his name was Jesus. And nobody said it in Spanish. Just Jesus. There is no way I can avoid burning when I walk into a church from now on.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Randomize
