before i could say "i'm not that kind of girl", i was.
i'm telling everyone you had sex with a puerto rican drug lord
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
thanks for carrying me to bed.. and sorry for trying to roll down the hallway to escape.
Oh wow. Was walking and just saw her in the pool, fully clothed, ranting on an alligator float. I guess i should go get her before security gets here.
Pretty sure I just heard the turkey yell "don't put me in there" as it was going in the oven. way too high for this holiday.
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
I take back all the times I've said life was unfair. I'm about to have two trained bartenders for a girlfriend and roommate
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
Do you have any pix of it limp? I wanna see the metamorphosis, like a cock caterpillar turning into a giant beautiful cock butterfly!
Oh that could end badly if you get them mixed up.. you know who I think you should focus on?? THE ONE WITH THE BIG BLACK COCK, just sayin
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Also, did you really start discussing the weather in the middle of telling you my sexual fantasy about you?
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
within five minutes of being here her dog found my vibrator in my bedroom and was carrying it around all proud! and her mom is here. so embarrassing :(
Randomize
