Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
You should get sea herpes
I mean sea horses
Paddidles count extra in the back of a cop car
My vag wants to play a game of hungry hungry hippos with your cock.
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
his mom gave me my lost underwear folded up along with the rest of my christmas present. tell me this cannot be happening.
Well you really should've thought of that before you painted your walls the same color as your toilet
You did a strip tease for the toilet.
Right, because I totally see myself driving all the way down there to fuck his world famous penis.
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
Holding a cold bottle of mikes hard lemonade against my pulverized taint....this is my Sunday night
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
In other news, people don't judge you when you buy a vibrator if you buy a funny birthday card and bag with it. I learned that this weekend.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
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