her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I twisted my ankle last night doing a super high five with 3 inch heels on.
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
you're the one asking for my vibrator at 4 in the morning so reconsider your life
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
I feel like they've probably fucked. Like.. you don't just bring a bitch a Big Mac if you haven't fucked her.
Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
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