By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
I just watered my plants with apple juice. Look what you made me do.
You told the bartender you needed 2 beers, and a shot of his cum...
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
in literally every picture i'm wearing less and less of my costume.
Turns out I was the only one drinking. I broke one guy's bed and kicked another in the face. Then when an RA came by I shouted to let him in he's gonna find the vodka anyway. Great night
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
Unless you can blow me and bake me a pie at the same time, im not impressed.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Going to the bathroom drunk while wearing overalls is such a struggle
My friends say stay away from him but it’s still 2017 so I’m allowed to make shit decisions until midnight hahah
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
He kept saying "i'm lost" while he was sitting on his couch...
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
