Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
Ive either hit rock bottom or become my own hero.
I'm gonna stay in bed all day and watch porn in an attempt to stay warm.
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
must go to store soon wiping with panty liner ugh
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
he force fed me pizza, ripped my clothes off, almost broke the couch, and actually broke my nose. it was a good night, i'd say 😂
As I walked across the lawn after the party got busted, an officer told me to chug my beer before I left the premises.
Randomize
