All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
just had an awkward elevator run in with that guy you puked on
Sorry the STD update turned into an attempt at a bootycall, but at least we both know we're clean now
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
Still breathing?
Still breathing , but quite out of it. I think I hallucinated like 20 action sequences.
What.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Let's celebrate that I used a condom
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Randomize
