so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
What's a "vodkaffle"?
It's where she puts vodka in the waffle mix.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
You were such a shitshow...I was just standing in the kitchen eating my toaster strudel and you came in, whispered "you didn't see anything" and led him to the couch
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
So not the biggest tits he had his cock between. He could have lied.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
So do you want to be the old guy picking up a girl in a mini skirt who may be slightly buzzed before noon from college, or shall i walk over?
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
She made me keep my boots on and say "you're welcome darlin" after every orgasm......so yes it was an awesome night.
We still getting married? Or were you day drinking
My favorite part was making you pull out your lucky steelers vibrator and show it to jerome bettis at the bar
Randomize
