Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
For future reference, even the most well-intentioned game of whiskey pong is a terrible idea.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
My time here is complete. I think I have now thrown up in every major degree programs building
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
It's only slutty if you don't have his number. Unless there's a full moon. Then anything goes.
We did hand stand push-ups while beer bonging. Its now a thing
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
I'm not coming to work today because tequila
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
he's like crack. I can't be in the same room with him while drunk and not do him.
Randomize
