I feel like my sweat is 40 proof right now
we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
planned ethnic drinking holidays while bored at work thru next may. I don't suppose you have any scots or russian in you?
I may have made out with a tranny last night, which, if I don't get fired for everything else that happened, really makes last night epic.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
Really I don't care what we're doing or watching. Your penis spends way too much time outside of my body.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It took 5 bourbons for him to handcuff and spank me and then he cried after sex. The men that like me are so unstable.
I'm soaking her vibrators in tabasco and wasabi paste. "furious" is an understatement
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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