you were so drunk you slurred your pauses
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
It's okay though. My mom didn't believe that they were mine cuz they were magnums. Having a surprisingly large penis ftw
Not a clue. But I did find out that his penis has a British accent.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
Note to self; if you can light it on fire, you probs shouldn't drink it
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
Your the only person I know that needed stiches after a Monday morning conference call. How are you in your 20s? How
His dick is the size of my forearm. Would it be rude to ask to take a comparison photo after sex?
So what other shows do you masturbate to? Or is it just friends
WHO CARES HE GIVES YOU TOE CURLING ORGASMS AND SAYS YOU HAVE KISSABLE SKIN AND RUNWAY MODEL HAIR....WHILE INTOXICATED WITH HIS BEST FRIEND. AND THEN HE SENDS YOU CUTE SELFIES OF THEM!!!!!!! WTF MORE DO YOU WANT FROM LIFE!!! DIE HAPPY ALREADY LADY!!!
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize