I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
not only are you not the girl i fell in love with, but from the looks of it, you ate her
he just had his sister send me a message about how he's not a creeper
Was his mother too busy breastfeeding him to do it?
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
i have essays due online every friday...im just going to write 'im hungover' for every one
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
You insisted I take photos of you vomiting off the top of the tree.
I locked the porch door but I left a spare key on top of the keg on the side of the house
let's make a party pact right now just as precaution for this trip: ill make sure you don't piss yourself if you make sure I don't bang my cousins friends. deal?
All i remember is you yelling at a stop sign and the rest is a blur
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
Just had to tell a NYC cop I was doing the Dougie in a houndstooth jumper so he could find me in the security video.
Why were there just 3 inflatable bounce houses delivered to my house?
oh shit.
Randomize
