Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
you should give me head with plastic fangs in
i seriously have like 9 pictures of people taking shots out of a vag on my camera....
im calling her cock vulture from now on
I mostly enjoyed dancing with him because his boner was scratching my bug bites.
Next time I see you, remind me to tell you how I fell through my attic door and landed on my feet in the garage on the first floor.
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
Highlight of the night: paying my cell phone bill at the bar... I need to get laid.
i made sure not to drool on your bed by putting my hoodie on backwards and swaddling my face in the hood
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
I went down on her on the dining room table. That should count for something.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
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