Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Is that you who's passed out on my treadmill?
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I told the American that we should start banging in Canada incase I get hurt and have to go to the hospital.. is that rude to say?
I might go to an NA meeting just to fuck that boy in the bathroom.
I told the emergency room nurse I didn't want to stop and ruin the moment. She said safewords are there for a reason. Super condescending. Got her number though.
Turns out it's a fake number.
If I die write a nice eulogy and bury me with my star wars bobbleheads
All i remember is looking at the bottle vodka that I was drinking and wondering how it was suddenly empty.
That may have had to do with you chugging it
I just woke up in his bed.. in a cardboard castle, with a Justin Bieber poster on the ceiling staring down at me, cuddling with 4 empty PBR cans. I win.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
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